Is Being Nice to People Extinct?

What ever happened to common courtesies and customer service? Has being nice and polite to people, whether they're customers, associates, or random strangers gone the way of the dinosaur?


Recently, I have had a string of ridiculously terrible customer service incidents. And I really hope that I don't come off as one of those customers who are jackholes from the beginning, because I promise you that I always treat those who work in a service or retail capacity with the utmost respect because I walked many years in their shoes. Lately, it seems like there is a rash of people roaming around with their faces are permanently stuck in a frown-scowl and/or they are just plain rude. It's as simple as parking your cart on the side of the aisle so everyone else can get through. (I'm talking to you lady in Whole Foods who parks her cart square in the middle of the tiny aisle and then gives me a dirty look for saying 'excuse me' because I need to shop in the produce section as well.) When did smiling at people become annoying? When did being polite and nice to people go away?


As someone who has spent the majority of my work-life working in the retail and customer service world, I know that the pendulum swings both ways. There are some customers out there that will make you say, "Whuck?" And believe me, I understand that some customers can have an attitude that makes you want to lose your schmidt, but please don't take it out on the nice lady who tries to smile and say hello to you (AKA: me). I know my kid is totally over running errands and getting fussy, but I'm just needing to buy my stamps and get on with my day. The scowl and the dirty look at my two year old is really unnecessary.


In this economy, customer loyalty is important. Really, having customers at all is important. People are willing to walk across the street for better prices. So you would think that if you have a customer, trying to be helpful and pleasant would be a given. The fact that over the last few weeks, it seems like we have encountered workers who seemed to think our shopping, eating, banking, ect. at their place of business has been more of an annoyance to them than anything else.


So when I had to call my bank with an issue of a double charge on my account, I was quickly told by the person on the 800 customer service number,that I have to visit my local branch, I was then promptly disconnected before I could even say "thank you" for the information. So I load up the two year old, who is, as I mentioned before, not a fan of errand-running, drive to my local branch and proceed to fill out form after form of paperwork to have a duplicate charge removed off our account. I was advised to contact the local restaurant that posted the duplicate charge as well, and was put on hold for nearly 20 minutes before I was disconnected and had to call back. I was then waived off by the restaurant that it was a bank error and that they only have one charge. Cut to three weeks later, and I have a list of un-returned phone calls to various bank officials and the restaurant manager, a drive across town to retrieve a copy of the receipt, two letters written and to the corporate office and about 4 hours spent of my life on the phone trying to track down the right person to help me. And to top it off, I'm still trying to get the duplicate charge removed. Does it really have to be this difficult? There is a light at the end of the tunnel, however. Two associates from my local branch were very helpful and supportive during the process. Unfortunately, the corporate powers-that-be give them just enough clout to be helpful, but not enough to actually have the power to fix the problem. But it wasn't for lack of trying, and I appreciate their effort.


Energy and attitude are contagious, my friends. And unfortunately, it seems the negative seems to spread a lot faster than the positive. It takes a minor encounter, whether it's with a friend, a co-worker, or a complete stranger for energy to transfer. If you're a customer and you're ticked off, don't take it out on the person trying to help you. And if you're the worker, don't give the customer a hard time because they need help. And if you're the lady at Whole Foods, please don't hate me for needing spinach and your cart is blocking the aisle. We should challenge each other to experiment with kindness and politeness and see how many people you can rub off on. As Ghandi said, "be the change." It takes less muscles to smile than to frown. Let's all be lazy and smile. :)

Did You Just Ask That?

Some people ask inappropriate questions. People you just met, people waiting in line at the grocery store, and even people you know and love...

I was asked about six million times, "When are you having kids?" "You have been married for so long, when will you have a baby?" I would close up, work up the courage to smile and say, "When the time is right." Meanwhile, I would be dying inside wanting to scream, "We've been trying forever!! I would like the answer to that too!!!"

One of the things I remember the most about the Great Infertility Drama of 2006-2008 is the feeling of wanting to curl up in fetal position and throw a blanket over my head. I didn't want to talk about it with ANYONE. Partly because I didn't want to jinx the latest and greatest round of pills, shots, and procedures. And partly because I was ashamed, sad and hurt that we didn't have our baby.
(Thinking back, I probably should have been more open with family and friends, especially because I was a hormone-induced crazy person and not quite myself. Oh well, Bygones...)

After the last failed IVF attempt, we decided on adoption. As we spread the happy news of our decision, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I finally had an answer to my hairdresser and the lady who did my nails and to the inappropriate cashier at Publix who would always question my purchase of jars of baby food (It's for the dog, she loves it.). I noticed that as I shared our story, the entire story, people's body language changed. They too became more open and engaged. And because infertility and adoption are so much more common than people realize, they usually share a story of their own or how it's touched their lives. I realized that by being open and a little vulnerable with people, you can make a real connection. About 99% of the time it's received with love and reciprocated. I'm more aware of my body language, let my guard down and really listen to the person I speaking with. You never know when it could really make a difference to someone.

There will always be people asking inappropriate questions. And now, we have a whole new set, like "Are you her real Mom?" While a part of me wanted to answer in a robot voice, "I am a hologram, I am not real." I remembered my new mantra, dropped my guard, smiled and said, "She is my beautiful daughter from South Korea." Now most "real Mom's" are followed with genuine "How long did the process take?" or "What agency did you use?" And more often than not, it turns into a cliff-notes version of Adoption 101 for someone who knows someone or has gone through something similar themselves.

I now consider myself somewhat of an open book. I have nothing to hide. I have some friends that say it's one of their favorite things about me. And that makes me happy because it's a reminder of how far I've come from my head burying days.

(singing) Hello Again, Hello....

Yes, I just evoked Neil Diamond... and I'm not ashamed. Neil Diamond is kinda awesome.
So the last month or so has been quite busy and we have all gotten off the routine. Which means S hasn't been sleeping so well, parlay we haven't been sleeping so well. So I have spent the majority of my free time catching up on the Zzz's and catching up on laundry.
Now that we're back on schedule, I actually have some "free-ME" time and I can start my blogging back up. While I do hope that you all enjoy it, I have to say it's partially a self-medicating thing. A reminder to my brain that I can still use grown-up words and have somewhat decent grammar.
I'm hoping to continue posting with my Adventures in SAHMom-dom, adoption, things I find that might be useful or cool to others, and of course food. I've adopted a gluten-free lifestyle recently, and a friend turned me on to the Paleo diet, to which I've experimented and had some success. So while cupcakes make me happy, they also make me sick. So I'm looking for some gluten free recipes and if any of them are post worthy, I'll pass them on. :)
Thanks for reading, and don't be shy with comments. I'd love to hear your feedback. And if you can work random Neil Diamond lyrics in, all the better my friends.