The New Balancing Act

Life is full of balances; balanced budgets, balanced diet, work vs. life balance. My old personal teeter totter was like that, and actual balance when I had my favorite 5" stilettos on. Now I feel like I'm on my teeter totter 2.0, with new challenges, some old stuff, and more sensible shoes.

Let me start with the fact that I am a self-diagnosed perfectionist. I am also a self-diagnosed cheese addict, but that is a whole other post. I am by no means saying I am perfect or even in that realm of being. For instance, I have an oily T-zone, an emergency stash of M&M's in my freezer, and I know my punctuation in this blog is atrocious. It's mainly a statement that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to judgement of how well I get the job done. So when I see some of my girlfriends who have kid(s), a grown-up job, and floors you can eat off of, I feel like dropping to my knees Wayne's World-style and yelling, "I'm not worthy!"

I've been a SAHM with S for almost a year now, and I'm still searching for the balance. I sometimes feel like I'm bouncing up and down trying to find harmony between spending quality time with S and my husband, going to child-enrichment activities, keeping our house clean, S's speech therapy, running from appointments to the grocery store to the dry cleaners, play dates, making dinner, family dance parties, to making sure my husband has clean underwear, oh... and the dog has to go to the vet next Tuesday. Now add sleep and making a little time for myself, and the occasional batch of cupcakes into the mix. All the while, doing your best to make sure you raise a healthy, compassionate, smart, productive kid. It's a lot harder than I ever imagined.

When we were trying to have a baby, especially after the IVF-clusterf#*%, I would get so angry when people would complain about their kids. Some of my old co-workers at the blue box can testify I would get all worked up by lunch from some of the things I would hear people say to their kids. The gals at Rants from Mommyland would have been my public enemy number one. Now, I subscribe to their blog and find their musings, both hilarious and so true. I was a judgemental jackhole, suffering from infertility and impatience and hurt that I didn't have my own kid. So now that I have walked almost a year in their shoes, I get it. This Mom-thing is a lot harder than it looks. When I'm having a craptastic day and S won't eat, or listen, or take a nap, I have to vent. It's necessary to preserve my sanity.

I can try to create a perfectly balanced life all day long and twice on Tuesdays. The reality of it is I've been given the gift of today. And to top it off with a cherry, I've been blessed with an amazing family and supportive friends, and the beautiful little girl sleeping in the room next to me. I'm starting to understand that it's OK if the laundry doesn't get done (as long as there is clean underwear for all), and if the dishwasher doesn't get unloaded... it will still be there tomorrow. But there is only one today. And even though the breakfast dishes are still in the sink and living room floor needs cleaned, I choose to spend it reading to S, doing the Disco Roll with her and the Yo Gabba friends, playing pretend in S's kitchen, and even working in a little time for me. I'm writing this as she's taking her nap, and even though it took an hour of reading stories and rocking to get her to sleep, it was time well spent. Now, I'm off to balance the rest of her nap between folding laundry and some me time... I think So You Think You Can Dance is on the DVR.